I'd like some advice. (I can hear some of you gasping in excitement already: Here is someone actually asking!!!)
Penny is 6 months old. She does not sleep through the night. She does not even sleep for extended periods of time. In fact, she likes to wake up every 2-3 hours. Her longest she's ever gone at night is sleeping for 5-6 hours. I'd be happy if that were her regular pattern, but she only does this maybe once every week or two. Her general pattern is waking up every couple hours.
I don't like it. I can't keep doing this indefinitely.
Have any of you had to overcome this? I'm not asking if your kids just magically started sleeping. (Although if they did, wanna swap?) I'm wondering if any of you had this problem and then did something to change it.
I've read advice that ranges the whole spectrum: pick them up when they cry and then comfort and put them back-- ranging all the way to just let them cry for a while.
Penny does go back to sleep pretty easily. I generally pick her up when she cries, nurse her into oblivion, and then put her back in bed. I've tried letting her cry, but after 5-10 minutes, its usually pretty apparent if she's going to go back to sleep or not, and in her case, at night, she is not.
So let's hear it, folks. What has helped you? Which methods do you believe in? What did your parents do? Do you believe them?
And watch for a following post about eating... but for now: sleeping through the night-- or at least for 5 hours at a time-- how does it happen?
20 comments:
Joss has always been a pretty good sleeper. However, at 5 months we had her learn to self-soothe since she won't take a binkie and she doesn't suck her thumb. The first two days were horrible but ever since we got past that hurdle - she's been a champ for naps and going to bed!
Chelsea,
1. Kari is 9 months and is no where near sleeping through the night. However, one of the best things we done is have her sleep with us. I'm to the point where I couldn't tell you in a given night how many times she was up because neither of us wake up all the way. I nurse her or snuggle her or whatever she's looking for and neither of us usually wake up all the way. She still nurses in 2 hours stretches some nights and others goes much longer.
2. Here's a website that is great about summing up baby sleep. I have done a fair amount of reading and the facts she gives (minus thw whole evolution theory) are pretty good.
3. I have more but someone needs me at the moment...
I'm sorry you aren't getting the sleep you need! A friend of mine from high school is a nurse and mother of four, including three month old twins. She highly recommends the book: Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep , Stay Asleep, And Wake Up Happy by Kim West.
Joshua is my first one that has not slept through the night at three months. He is also my chubbiest...so i have to assume that he is just more hungry at night. I make him a big bowl of oatmeal with bananas or apples and feed it to him right before I lay him down. Then I make him about six ounces of milk and put it in the bed with him. Now I know most people are like appalled at the fact I put him to bed with a bottle but he has never had to much trouble with ear infections so...I care for my sanity. Plus this may also be difficult since you breastfeed and she may not take a bottle so I don't know maybe feed her and then let her nurse just till she doses and then transfer in a pacifier. Anyway, then no matter what do not nurse her during the night. Just try to sooth her by rocking or patting her back (sometimes I give in...okay more than sometimes), I promise that after a few nights she will start getting better. Joshua took about four nights, but finally at a year old he is sleeping from eight to at least four sometimes longer. It is really hard sometimes though and I totally break just so I can go crawl back into bed. If this really continues a lot I would have the doctor check her ears because some babies are more susceptible to ear drainage which can keep them from sleeping well and can easily be cured with tubes and such. Anywho guess I was chewing at the bit to give advice. I totally know the feeling though. Miss you girl and thanks for the awesome apron.
I had the exact problem with James, but he didn't sleep well until almost a year old. But when he was about 5/6 months I learned about a book called Baby Wise. It was the best book, I started using it the minute Daemon was born and there was SUCH a difference in how the boys ate and slept. It is a book that you have to adapt to you and penny, but it does work. And there was my doctor that helped, at about 9 months he finally told me to let James cry, and I wasn't aloud to go in to his room, Big James had to go in and check on him. The first week or two was terrible, but it was so worth it in the end. He would cry for about 4 to 5 hours the first couple of nights, and it was so hard for me not to go in there but we made it through and after that he slept so much better. But the best advice is get Baby Wise and read it, it helped so much. What ever you decided to do stick with it and don't break, it will be hard but worth it.
The thing that has helped us the most with all 4 is scheduling. With my first, I was neurotic, and was basically mastered by the clock. Worked great for Emily (who started sleeping 9 hours at night by the time she was 8 weeks old), but made me crazy during the day. Gradually, I relaxed into a looser schedule, but always an eat, wake, sleep order...basically, I don't nurse them to sleep. I nurse when baby first wakes up, and then have "play" time until he's tired. He falls asleep with no problem and is learning not to require food to relax. Collin has been my most difficult one (not sleeping well until around 16 weeks old), but he had other issues (like his surgery and colic) that I think played a part.
I know this doesn't fit with some people's parenting styles, but we've seen great success x4. :)
Good luck! Sleep deprivation is a formidable foe!
Sorry I don't have any advice. But good luck!
Sofie did the exact same thing! But she started sleeping through the night around 9 months(a solid 13 hours!!!) when I had to give her a bottle instead of nursing. I had to take a medication that she wasn't supposed to have, so for a couple weeks I had to bottle-formula feed her. It apparently was more than she was used to from nursing, so it filled her up and she slept. By the time I started nursing her again, she was used to sleeping and it stuck. She had a few bad nights here and there after that, but ever since then she's slept 13 hours solid. Unfortunately, every kid is different. My problem is, why can't I sleep through the night??? I still wake up all night long on my own!! GOOD LUCK!!
I also did the same thing as Shannon with a sleep-eat-play schedule and it worked great. (except at bedtime, I fed her before bedtime and of course didn't play with her during night feedings.)
Sorry, here's the website: http://www.drjen4kids.com/soap%20box/sleep%20stuff.htm
I also have a long philosophical post on my blog that includes some sleeping issues/ideas.
The biggest thing to me is that a baby learns to crawl, walk, clap, talk etc all on their own and in their own time without us having to train them. If the only way that parents get their children to sleep through the night is by essentially forcing them to, that suggests to me that perhaps babies aren't meant to sleep through the night as early as would be convenient for us. The fact that Penny does go to sleep easily suggests that she doesn't have a sleeping problem. In fact it means you are doing a great job! She just needs you at night still. Can you do things to help maximize your sleeping time such as having Kevin bring her to you to nurse? I don't recommend switching to formula or "stuffing" her with food before bed to get her to sleep longer. If that worked we would have a lot fewer moms asking for help with sleep and a lot fewer books on it!
I hope that helps! Now, next time she goes down for a nap- forget the housework and you take one too! :)
One thing I've learned is that most people who say their baby sleeps through the night is probably a liar. I find myself doing that too. When people ask me about Adam sleeping, I always seem to tell them about a good night and not a normal night. Adam does sleep easier than Cami did. Cami was always in bed with us. Around 6 months, I decided she didn't really need to nurse anymore - she was just doing it for comfort - and I stopped. She loved her Nuk though, so I'd pop that in and after a few nights she was good to go. But if I was to try and put her to sleep in her crib, there was no way she was sleeping at all!
Adam goes to bed about 2 or 3 hours earlier than Cami ever did and usually sleeps through until about 3am, but not always. So, I do generally get a good stretch of sleep. Usually when he does wake up, I pull him in bed with me and nurse him. I'm starting to work on taking away that night feeding because, again, he's just doing it for comfort. I'm not sure how that's going to go, though, because he doesn't like his Nuk the way Cami did. I'll have to let you know how it goes, so this advice is nice for me as well as for you.
After Cami, I said that things would be different with Adam - not so much of bringing the baby in bed with me, etc. - but I've noticed the biggest change isn't me, it's Adam. He got himself on an early to bed schedule all by himself after he was a few weeks old. He does end up in my bed a lot, but doesn't have that same "I won't go near that crib for anything" feeling that Cami did. He also falls asleep a lot better by himself.
So, Moms are liars & all kids are different. I don't know if any of this was advice, but it's my experience at any rate.
oh and just so Chelsea doesn't think I am saying Penny isn't happy. Babies are smart and they know that you will come when they cry so she could be just testing you, and it won't scar her for life if she cries a little or you don't co sleep.
A couple of your friends are a bit out there.... Do whatever it takes. Babies don't raise themselves. Use your intuition and the guidance that you are entitled to from the Spirit to govern how to proceed. I read a lot on sleeping too, and I have taken bits and pieces from parenting books to piece together my own theories, which are the ones that work with my own baby. No two babies are alike, so there are many theories and books because different things work for different people. Here are my thoughts:
Early in life Callum couldn't handle "crying it out," so I used that as an excuse to keep delaying us not turning to that for some time. Eventually I had to bite the bullet and try it again since he was no longer a little baby. I hate it, but it works for us most of the time. I can tell when his cries are TRULY urgent or when something is off or different, and on those days we don't make him cry. But he just gets wound up so easily that it can take him a while to get simmered down. And now that he's getting used to it the crying had gotten generally shorter and shorter. Maybe try it for longer than 10 minutes a few times. My friend's baby was so bad that she had to go to a sleep specialist, and the specialist said that babies sometimes have to work themselves into a frenzy until they give up. Then they start going in and out of crying because they're fighting it but too exhausted to fight it full force. Then---BAM---suddently they pass out. It's one option. And, incidentally, her baby sleeps like a dream now. It's hard to do, but it has worked for many people over time, so it may be worth trying if you feel ok about it personally.
It could be that Penny is constantly hungry at night (I mean...look at the size of that girl!) :), but it sounds like it may be more for comfort. A general rule of thumb is that if she is waking at about the same time every night it's probably a habit, not a need. Maybe have Kevin comfort her and put her back down so she doesn't smell the milk on you and expect it. Also keep the lights off and the talking and interacting to the bare minimum so she doesn't think, "Oh, yeah, time to play now!"
Bringing your baby to bed with you CAN work. When Callum is sick we usually end up resorting to this option because we're so desperate, but BEWARE. It is a dangerous precedent to set and a slippery slope.....a baby will never learn to sleep on their own if they are always with mom and dad and free to nurse, etc. as they please. Scoffing? Just ask my Aunt Beth and Uncle Steve about it. Their youngest, Marcus, always got to sleep in bed with them as a baby, too. Fast forward FIVE YEARS to a kindergartner that still can't/won't sleep alone. Guess where Uncle Steve routinely slept? On the couch. What do you think that does to a marriage? We resort to it only in times of desperation. (Besides, the American Academy of Pediatricians (is that the name?!) expressly recommends against having babies in bed with you.)
Losing sleep sucks. I feel for you. Here's to five hours at a time....
Love you!
I remember right before I was going to have Bahii your mom asked me how I was feeling....I said, "Oh, I'm so tired!" She said,"You'll be tired FOREVER!" I believe her. It's been a long long time since I've had some good good rest!!! At about six months we took Momo out of the room and let him cry and cry, eventually he started sleeping through the night. By a year he was sleeping 12 hrs! Bahii is almost a yr. and still nurses at night. We have had a lot of changes and moving around, so it's been hard to work on that department with him. My kids have been so different in every way, I'll never have it figured out! Bahii sleeps the longest and best when I try to keep him up for a long while before he goes to bed. Hope you get some sleep soon. If you figure something out you'll have to let me know!
At some point the doctor told us that Samuel didn't need to have a bottle in the middle of the night, I don't remember when that was...and after a great deal of soul searching, internet searching, and friend searching I decided to let him cry it out. It was the absolute most miserable thing I have ever done. But it only took one night. Well, two because about a month later we slept over at James's parents and Samuel woke up in the middle of the night and I had to keep him quiet - so the next night I had to let him cry it out again.
It's absolutely miserable, but if you are consistent and sure of your course, I believe your baby will figure it out and not be damaged by it. ;-)
I suggest that you talk to Kevin and figure out a game plan - a minute to minute game plan. It helps to get through the miserableness if you know at what point you will go in to comfort her and how you will do it. And talk it out to Kevin and get him to agree (and be awake for it too) so that you don't feel so guilty.
And the last advice I can give is that mothering is truly hit and miss. If one thing doesn't work try another. Penny knows that you love her and she will see that you give her all the love she could want during the day. (I think there is a very merciful reason kids don't remember their first 3 years.)
I haven't read all the comments yet, but I just wanted to say that whatever method you choose, it has to work for you and Penny. In my experience, kids respond quite differently to each method. I never really let Eldon cry because if I just snuggled him and told him it was bedtime he would go to sleep with me. Lilly on the other hand was so psyched to have you around that it just aroused her further. The only way we could get her to sleep was to let her be by herself. It's still kind of that way. If we sleep in a hotel. Aaron, Eldon, and I sleep in the same bed and Lilly gets her own.
Just make sure that it works with Penny's personality and you approve of it too.
Also, Lilly (2) and Eldon (3) sleep pretty well now, but I hate to mention that Eldon wakes at least once a night and Lilly several times. Haha. It still is a far cry from infanthood sleeping habits. I feel for you! Good luck!
Wow Chelsea, that was very brave of you to ask for advice! It looks like you already have plenty to stew on, but I'm going to give you a tiny bit more...
1) Everyone I know (at least a dozen friends) that has read the book Babywise had their child sleeping through the night by 8 weeks (and really sleeping through the night-- 12 hour stretches-- by 12 weeks). It worked for everyone, no exceptions. I loved it for Benson and we recommend it all the time. We don't agree with everything in the book, but the scheduling part is perfect-- you should give it a try. There's a chapter at the end called something like "How do I start late?" and so make sure you read that.
2) Penny is big enough and doesn't need more milk to survive through the night-- she's developing these learned behaviors and habits of wanting midnight snacks, but she doesn't need them. So does she use a pacifier? If not, you might want to try one, just for sleeping. It could satisfy her need to suck on something.
3) DON'T let her sleep with you! It is a temporary bandaid, and it does not work in the long run. All of my friends who let their kids sleep with them are so sleep deprived. One has a child that's 1, one has a child that's 2, and one has a child that's 3, and all of those kids wake up several times a night for bottles, milk, treats, whatever. All of those parents told me they should never have started sharing a bed with their child-- it really affects their sleep and their marriage. It's a huge battle to get the child back to their own bed after they get used to sleeping with the parent. So if you haven't started doing that, don't do it! It won't work in the long run.
I feel for you, waking up every 2-3 hours. There is a HUGE difference between waking up once a night (which was how my kids were after about six months). My boys weren't sleep-through-the-night kids until after they stopped nursing at 18 months (I guess I never figured out the "magic secret"), but like I said (and like you said), once a night is very doable.
That said, my boys are great sleepers now, and I'm so grateful. Grandparents and babysitters will comment on how easy it is to get them to bed. I think there were things we did to encourage it: simple bedtime routines, sleeping in their own beds, going BACK to sleep in their own beds if they wake up, teaching them to go to sleep without breast or bottle (which meant cry-it-out for us ... it didn't solve a whole lot of middle-of-the-night stuff -- though maybe it contributed to only waking up once instead of multiple times -- but it was so nice to finally be able to put the baby down in bed and know he'd sleep!)
Anyway, hopefully that gives you some hope. :-) You WILL sleep again! Good luck, and congrats on hitting the six-month milestone (seriously, I made a cake and everything for ME with my first -- it was the longest six months of my life, and I wanted to celebrate! It just gets better from here!!)
I see that one of your friends said that with no exceptions her Babywise friends had their babies sleeping 12 hours a night by 8 weeks...um, not so. We are an exception. Even now that Callum is a good little sleeper he sleeps nine hours a night max. I wish he'd do 12, but he won't. But I did like the scheduling anyway.
I thought of something else, too. When he was Penny's age we were starting solid foods with him, but I hated feeding them to him because it was tedious and messy and so much easier to just stick a boob in his mouth, but some days he'd get two meals and some none...we started seeing a pattern. They need more real food starting at this age (especially big babies like Cal and Penny) in addition to plenty of breastmilk. So I echo your friend to feed them plenty during the day.
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