Let's. Learn. En. glish.

Everyone in China wants their child to learn English. I'm pretty sure it starts in utero-- like how we play Mozart to our children in the womb, Chinese parents play English tapes. Probably. It starts early.
So I went to the bookstore today. (I didn't find what I was looking for, fyi.) There are always nice displays of various English-learning programs for kids. Last time there was a video playing with some native English speakers introducing their DVD set. Holy cow, it's embarrassing! They were some greasy college guys-- the kind that you know are just in China to bum around for a few years, teach a little English for money, and drink a lot of cheap beer. At least they could have showered and gotten dressed before going to work on video day, though! Americans are slobs. Thanks for reinforcing that stereotype, guys!
Today's display was even better. Right when you walk in the store, they have some kids' cartoons playing. I watched for a while, and they were actually old Disney movies, with Goofy and the gang. But it had been dubbed over in reeaaallllyyy sssllllooooowwww, carefully enunciated, monotone English. It hurt me to watch it. But I couldn't tune it out! Goofy finds a wanted poster nailed to the tree, then turns to the audience and says, "Gggooosshhhh. A. Rrrrooooobbbbbbbbbbeeerrr." (But 10x more robotic than you just read that.) It was very clear. The enunciation and diction were beautiful. The native American accent was impeccable. But why would you want your child to learn to taaaaaalk. liiiiike. thaaaaat. And why would your kid want to watch that?
It was so stupid! Kids don't learn language by hearing slow, careful diction. They learn the inflection along with everything else! That's why parents instinctively use a wider range of tones when talking to small children (and pets) than when talking to adults. That's why my kids have better Chinese tones than I do!
And that's why they should have paid their actors more. "Okay guys, twice the money, and now this time, use INFLECTION!"
People should ask my opinion more often.