10 Ideas for Traveling with Small Children

When it comes to taking  my children across the world on long plane rides by myself, a question I often ask myself is, "Why?" or even, "Why me?!" But a lot of people ask me, "How?" Well, that's something I've been learning, and I'd like to share a few techniques I've picked up over the years. There is no easy answer or quick fix. It is just plain tough and pretty miserable sometimes. But it is doable, and it's getting less and less miserable.

My first long flight on my own was with a 2 1/2 year-old Penny and a 9-month-old Naomi. We had a 13-hour flight from the US to China, and going in I figured, "Well, they'll probably just sleep the whole time." Period. That was my expectation, and that was my plan. I brought some things for myself to read and do on the flight (ha!) and some fun toys for the girls, and high expectations of a happy, quiet, sleepy flight.

Well, they did NOT sleep, at least not for the first 11 hours. The airplane had drop-down TV screens in the aisles, and Penny couldn't see the in-flight movies unless she was standing up in her seat, and it turns out sleeping is pretty hard when you're standing up. Also, when I'd try to nurse Naomi and have her sleep, grumpy 2-year-old would be jealous of the attention I was giving her sister and start kicking her. So nobody slept. I even tried to make Penny sit down by spanking her every time she got up. That certainly didn't work and made everyone feel worse. It was a rough trip. Penny did sleep in the 11th hour, but then an hour before landing, they "wake you up" and feed you breakfast. So she got a snippet of a nap, and I don't think I slept at all. 

Things have gotten better. How could they get worse?! I've learned a few things that I'd like to share, beginning with:

1) Lower those expectations!

Did I seriously expect a baby and a toddler to just sleep through an entire afternoon/evening/night on an airplane? What was I thinking?! Kids, even small kids, get excited to go on an airplane. In general, this means they'll skip their regular naps. They might sleep for part of it, but that can't be the flight plan. 

My expectation is now this: my kids will probably all be awake for the entire flight. Then if they get a single hour of sleep, I am impressed and grateful, rather than at my wit's end! Usually they get more.

2) I keep my watch set to the time zone where we were

As a younger person, I'd hop on the airplane and immediately set my watch to the time of our destination. If it was nighttime there, I'd try to sleep, or vice-versa for daytime. 

Have you ever tried to convince a toddler to sleep all night when it's actually daytime? It doesn't work. Neither does arbitrarily deciding it's nap time when you're sick of playing with your toddler. So I keep my watch set to where we were, to give me an idea of what their bodies are telling them. I try to keep up with snacks and naps like we would have at home. 

3) Nighttime routine

I haven't had to do this lately, but when my kids were even younger, I would bring things so we could do our whole nighttime routine on the plane. I'd change them into jammies, go brush their teeth, then read a story and tuck them into "bed" with a small blanket or special teddy bear from home. If our bedtime at home was 7:30, I'd wait until 8:00 or 8:30 to start it on the plane, so everyone was a bit more tired and ready to fall asleep.

4) Snacks!

I pack a ton of snacks for our plane rides. And this is no time for the boring snacks we eat at home. No, we get fruit snacks, M&Ms, goldfish crackers and all sorts of special treats we never usually buy. And I bribe the kids. I'm sorry, but there is a time for working on intrinsic motivation in your children, but an intercontinental flight is not it! If they won't sit and stay buckled, they will if you dangle M&Ms in front of them!

And feed them regularly! My kids eat snacks or meals about every 2-3 hours in our house. Hungry kids are cranky kids, and I don't want any of those on our flights. And I sometimes forget how long it takes to check in, go through security, find the gate, and line up for the flight. But whenever I find myself in line with a cranky kid, out come the snacks-- once even for someone else's cranky kid!

A note about snacks: you're not allowed to bring fresh fruits, vegetables, beef jerky, or boiled eggs into the US from outside it. I may or may not have accidentally done most of those. But the airport beagle finds them-- especially the beef jerky.

5) Involve the kids

When Penny turned 2, she got a cute, pink, Mickey Mouse backpack. From then on, she has used it whenever we travel. She carries like 3 toys in it, so it doesn't exactly keep her occupied for the whole flight. But it keeps her interested in all the steps in the airport.

When we go through security, she likes to get her own tub and put her own backpack in, then push it through the little scanner. She likes to take off her shoes like Mom and Dad do, even though she doesn't have to. But she loves being involved. When kids are treated like another load of baggage to be handled through the airport, it's not fun, and it's more work for us. But give them something to do, and it's much better for everyone.

At the end of the journey, when we're waiting for our suitcases to come to the carousel, the girls like to put their little backpacks onto the carousel and wait for them to come around. Then they're so excited to pick them back up again! It used to be like pulling teeth to keep Penny in one place after how-many-hours of traveling (and no sleep...). But when she's keeping busy collecting her own backpack (over and over and over), it doesn't really matter how long it takes for our luggage to come off the plane.

6) Activities on the plane

I've found some good ideas for what to do on a plane on a couple websites:

http://www.parenting.com/gallery/50-ways-entertain-kids-plane

http://therulesofmotherhood.com/2013/12/16/16-ideas-keeping-small-children-busy-airplane/

When I scroll through those sites, I'm usually inspired by a few of the ideas. For me, the less preparation beforehand, the better. And there are a lot of those ideas.

My sister does watercolors on the plane with her 3-year-old. Um.... I thought she was crazy. But if you give them about 1/4" of water in their cup and keep a baby wipe on hand, it's actually a very manageable activity. You're sitting right by the whole time as it is, which is more than I can say about when I've let the kids watercolor at home.

Some people buy new toys and let the kids open them on the plane. I've done this once or twice, and it's fun, but it's always a gamble whether they'll actually play with the toy for very long. Sometimes a few weeks before a flight, I go around the house and collect some of their favorite activities and hide them until our trip. Then they're basically new.

We often get up and walk around the airplane. As an adult, I know that even though I'm sitting there looking at the back of the same seat for hours on end, that I'm actually zipping through the air at a ridiculous speed getting to the other side of the world in mere hours. My little kids, though, just look at the seat in front of them. So every little while, we get up and walk around. Sometimes we visit the other babies on the flight. Sometimes we go talk to the flight attendants. But the kids need to move, and I hear it's not bad for me either.

You notice how I didn't list any apps for kids? The iPad is my last line of defense, not my opening act. My kids are small, and they can happily play on the iPad for an hour or two at most. This does not help me on an 8, 11, or 13-hour plane ride. What am I supposed to do for the rest of the trip, once they're sick of all the new apps? We save it for the last 2 hours of the flight.

7) Let the kids get bored

Before one trip (a 5-hour train trip in China), I prepared for days beforehand, collecting and making cute little activities to fill up our time. I gave myself a "Mother of the Year" sticker and a pat on the back. We got on the train, and I pulled out the first activity. Then after 5 minutes, she was bored, and I pulled out the next activity. Within about 30 minutes, all my activities were done, and I had two bored kids and nothing to entertain them with.

Now, when we get on the airplane, those backpacks stay shut. The kids read the safety information card, the shopping magazine, and look at the maps in the back of the in-flight magazine. They learn how the tray table works and what all the buttons do. Then they play pretend with each other. When the whining begins, I pull out one toy-- usually the lamest one. On our last trip to the US, I didn't even bring out the iPad until halfway through the second flight, and it was only because I was trying to sleep and the whining had gotten that bad.

8) What I pack

As little as possible! I've learned after traveling quite a bit, that it is not a vacation if you have a gajillion bags and suitcases to drag all over the place. I'm pretty proud of our last trip: one suitcase for four people on a two week trip to New Mexico and Los Angeles. But because of those four people, we also had three car seats, a large stroller, a carry-on, and a diaper bag, as well as two little girl backpacks. But I think if I had more than that one suitcase, I probably wouldn't have been physically able to get everything where it needed to go. As it was, I had to have Penny push a little luggage cart holding half our stuff through the airport at one point. We keep it as minimal as possible.

I strap the baby on with a Baby Bjorn and check the stroller as soon as possible. I love being able to use both hands. 

On the flight, I bring a change of clothes for everyone, including me, and times-three for the baby. I've been puked on before, and I was very glad I didn't have to sit in it for the rest of the flight. Anyone who is only borderline potty-trained gets to wear a diaper on the airplane, and I bring plenty of those. (And since there are fewer on the way home, that means room for souvenirs!) I bring toys for the kids and snacks for everyone. I've learned I don't need to bring anything for myself to do during the flight. I feel a lot of things, but bored is not one of them!

9) Nap until the jet-lag wears off

When traveling on my own, it used to make sense to force myself to stay awake while it was daytime, and then force myself to sleep at night. I tried that once with little kids. It was horrendous. Forcing children to stay awake when it's light out is futile when their bodies say it's time to sleep. And then pretending that they'll be tired when it's dark outside is just as ridiculous. So I take short naps with the kids when they nap during the day. And when they wake up at 1 AM with bright eyes and bushy tails, we all go do something quiet and calm for two hours or so, until I can convince them to sleep again. This is not what works for everyone, but has been the best for our family, especially with kids ages two and younger.

10) Just do it!

It's a little daunting to travel with children, but I can't just put life on hold until life is convenient. That just doesn't happen. When we travel with our kids, we see more humanity. People stop to talk to us about our children, their children, and their grandchildren. People smile at us. People tell us we have our hands full. Our kids play with other kids. We've gotten to see a side of the world that not everyone gets to see. 

We've made mistakes, and we've learned from bad experiences. That's where many of my ideas come from! But you get better, your kids get used to it, they get older, and everything just gets easier.

I hope.

Let me know if you have any ideas to add to this! We travel a lot as a family, with one or two parents to wrangle the kids, and I see no end in sight. Whether it's a great idea or even an idea of what NOT to do, I'd love to hear about it in the comments!