Field Trip

June 1st is Children's Day. Now I know, when the world revolves around your children, every day is Children's Day. But on Children's Day in China, more kids spend more time with their parents, so it's a good holiday.
Penny's preschool planned a field trip, and parents could come along with their kids. I was very interested in going, especially since I have never gotten to watch her teachers in action with the kids, and I was curious to see how Penny interacted with them and her classmates. And also, who doesn't love field trips?! Sign me up!
I told Penny's teacher and the office lady that we would like to go.
"Would Meimei be going too?" they asked.
"Well, yes. Of course." I couldn't exactly leave her at home, could I?
"I don't think that's going to work. You can't bring two children! One adult can't take care of two kids. It's just not possible."
"I do it every day. It's just me with the two kids."
"Well yeah. But taking care of them at home is COMPLETELY different from taking them out on a field trip. What if the baby fusses? What would you do then? We can't take care of Penny for you. We have our jobs to do and lots of things to manage. We can't just watch Penny while you take care of the baby."
This conversation went on for quite a while. They were insistent that I COULDN'T manage two little kids on my own for an entire field trip. I was aghast because... well, that's what I do. They kept telling me, "You can't, you can't, you can't."
I don't really like people telling me what I can and cannot do. It made me sort of mad. "Your culture is different than my culture. You guys have like 2, 3, 4 people taking care of one child. My culture has one mother taking care of several children. I'll be fine."
Yes, it sounded that awkward in Chinese, too. But that's not my point.
They relented a little and decided to give me the details of the field trip. But the skepticism was very clear on their faces.
I went home and stewed for a while. I posted on facebook about it. I questioned my motives a bit. Did I really want to go on this field trip just to enjoy the outing with Penny and her preschool? Or was I more interested in proving everyone wrong and showing that I could, indeed, take care of two whole children all by myself? Or was I just wanting to show off, that I'm so capable and amazing for taking care of my two kids? Well, sadly, it was a little of all of them. So I decided to go on the field trip.
The next day, I went over to the preschool to register and pay our fees. The principal was there at the desk, and she greeted me with a big smile. "I am so happy to hear that you and the baby will both be coming with Penny on our field trip! I just love this little baobao, and I think it will be so fun to have you all on the trip with us!"
I couldn't have felt more welcomed.
The two teachers I'd talked to earlier were pretty adamant I couldn't do it, but when I thought about it more, I realize they were simply surprised. Chinese people don't ever take care of kids like that. They ALWAYS have a grandma, a grandpa, a nanny, a mom, and/or a dad to take care of their one little child. In China, there are always a lot of people around, and a family always chips in to take care of the little children. I have a feeling it's always been like this, but I know it's more like this now that there's been a one-child policy for 30 years now. It doesn't seem possible for someone to take care of more than one child on their own.
Maybe it's a little like this: You invite a traditional Chinese family over to play, and they bring their little baby with them. Their child plays on the floor with your kids, but soon you notice that their child isn't wearing any diaper! How would you react? There would definitely be a lot of exclamation points! "Aaaah, your baby isn't wearing any diaper! He is going to pee on the floor! He's going to get pee and poop all over my living room, stain the rug, and totally ruin my couch! You have to get him off. Let's give him a diaper. Or maybe we could all go outside and play in the grass."
I have no doubt the Chinese parents would be staring at you with one eyebrow raised, just like I was doing to the preschool teachers. "Um, settle down," they'd say to you. "My kid just went to the bathroom before we got inside. He's not going to pee or poop all over the place, and your living room rug and furniture are going to be FINE."
"Well, I'd still like him to go play outside so in case he makes a mess, he can make it on the lawn," you say.
Through clenched teeth, the parents would respond, "In our culture, babies don't wear diapers. After only a few months, they're potty trained and don't make messes all over people's living rooms. Maybe in your culture, kids wear diapers until they're 3 or 4, but in ours, we teach them to hold it after just a few months."
Maybe they'd think about putting a diaper on their child, but they'd decide against it. They want to prove you wrong. They want to prove that their child has the skills. But mostly, this is just how they do things; it works every day, and why should it be different today?
I'd be surprised, but I'd find that yes, their child does hold it just fine. My couches and carpet are no worse for wear-- except where my own children spilled their yogurt. And now we all understand each other a little bit better.