This Tuesday will be my third wedding anniversary. This Tuesday I had my third miscarriage. I'm getting kind of sick of them.
This time, at least I didn't tell anyone about it, so I didn't have to do follow-up calls.
This time I felt really queasy and nervous, sick to my stomach for a lot of the time. At least I felt something. The other times I didn't feel any different at all.
This time I didn't run out to buy maternity clothes... and I didn't outgrow my normal clothes either.
This time I got a positive pregnancy test that you didn't have to imagine before you could see the line. It was bold.
This time I didn't have a job to run off to, so I got to sit around home and mope.
So I read Breaking Dawn. I didn't enjoy it as much as I might have otherwise.
I have an awesome life, really. My husband is practically perfect in every way. I have two snuggly little cats that require very little attention but give me attention. I have a job that I won't have to quit in March. Looks like I'll be sticking it out to the end. I'm taking classes towards a Master's degree, and I'll be finishing my classes in March (then there's student teaching). I have a beautiful little house to take care of, a vegetable garden, a lawn, and a fish pond.
I have the option of eating whenever and whatever I want. No need to set a good example of nutrition or take care of whiny hungry people... besides myself.
Sometimes we go out to dinner, and there are only 2 of us to pay for.
I have an iron that I leave on the ironing board, knives on the table, glass glasses, and hazardous chemicals under the sink-- with no protective closures.
I leave piles of junk precariously perched on low-sitting coffee tables, and it is there when I get back.
I take naps or sleep in whenever I want.
It still takes me only 30 minutes to get ready to go. Anywhere. Shower included.
I don't know where to buy the cheapest diapers. Don't need to know, either. ;)
We go to the movie theatre. We go on dates. We go on bike rides. We don't have to call babysitters.
I go to the library and get lost reading books I want to read. Sometimes I sit down in the aisle and just read snippets of a few books for a while. It's nice and air conditioned in the library. It's quiet in the adult section.
I pursue my hobbies: I play the piano, read, exercise, sew, write, cook, play in the garden. Well, except for the exercise part.
I know it will all work out for the best. Maybe I'm supposed to do a bit of teaching for a while. Maybe we won't have kids until after Kevin gets a good job and we can actually afford another person. Would that be so bad?
Everyone has challenges, and if it weren't this, it would just be something different. Maybe worse. I like my life. I wouldn't trade it for anyone else's.
But I will whine about it once in a while. Thanks for listening. Er, reading. Whatever.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
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10 comments:
ooh, I'm sorry chelsea. :( If/when I get pregnant, I'm not going to tell anyone either until I'm sure it's for sure. (not that I'm pregnant...gosh!) Either that, or I won't tell anyone until it shows enough that it would be silly to not state the obvious. You've only been married for 3 years, and yes, you want kids, but I think it's a great time to enjoy your time as just you and Kevin. Danielle wrote me in an email that sometimes she wishes she waited for a while longer so she could have had more time with her husband, had furnature that matched, and went on cruises and stuff. But she loves her kids, of course.
Now, about this hobby thing...I don't quite understand what that is...could you please expound? You do this in your "free time"? How does one sign up for this so called "free" time? ;)
tough week, sorry, i havent had a miscarriage and sometimes almost wish i had so at least i could know that i can get pregnant.... back to the specialist... ?
I'm so sorry for the hurt you're going through, but I'm refreshed by your perspective at the same time. Since I have kids, I almost feel like I shouldn't say anything, but I've also had 2 miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy that required emergency surgery...it's a kind of pain never to be forgotten, but that (in hindsight) surely had a purpose, and I look forward to the day I'll see those babies again in paradise...they are already whole, they will never have to have pain. :) Since I can't hug you for real (and it might be weird anyway since I haven't seen you for 10 years!), a blogger hug will have to do. Love ya!
And happy anniversary!
I love you Chelsea and keeping you in my prayers. Happy Anniversary!
It's funny how life works out. Even though Clint and I were trying to get pregnant for almost a year, Cami came alone at the perfect time. We couldn't have planned it better if we wanted to. It was hard to wait though.
I have been missing those childless days a bit lately. Cami's been teething and clingy. Good luck with the new job. I'm semi job hunting too - not fun.
Chelsea, I love you...I just can't help it I do. I am glad we met.
I love you. I miss you.
Sorry kiddo. But Happy Anniversary!
Sorry to hear that Chelsea, but happy anniversary-I hope that you have a good time celebrating. I don't really know what to say because I haven't experienced anything like that. But just don't give up hope. Love you!
Thanks for the heads up! It was fun to be on the other end and watch it.
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