Imperfect

One thing I was really excited about when moving to China was the fact that we could afford hiring a housekeeper. I've never been good at keeping my house clean, and in my mind, hiring a housekeeper would change my house from this:

Picture from the internet, btw.

To this:

Okay, okay. I knew I wouldn't be living in Buckingham Palace, but I was sure I'd have a place fit for kings. Or at least dinner company.

I had a few reservations about hiring someone to come work in my home. I didn't want to have someone come full time. I like having my house be MY house, and the idea that someone would be coming as their 9-5 job makes me feel really weird. Plus, I felt like I'd have to be on my good behavior all the time while she was here. I also didn't want to hire a nanny. I just wanted some help keeping my house clean, not someone to raise my kids for me. I'm pretty particular about how it should be done, and I want to be the one doing it. 

Now that we've been here a year, I'm learning about my expectations and what reality is. 

First of all, I had to get over the fact that sometimes I would be sitting around doing nothing while someone cleaned around and sometimes under me. I was sure this would be the most awkward part. Have you ever sat around while the hotel staff cleans and makes up your hotel room? I thought not! They arrange it to be done while you're not there, or if you are there, you leave pretty quick. It's awkward. But when I moved here, I was 7 months pregnant. I HAD to rest and take naps. It was physically exhausting to sweep and mop the floors... so I didn't do it. Then I had a baby, and that pretty much took all my focus, energy, time, and strength. Anything left over, I tried to spend on Penny. And that's how we were for a while.

Our Ayi saved my sanity. If you ask Kevin, he may even question that (ha ha ha), but he's also very grateful for all the help she has given us. She made us dinner, did our laundry, washed our dishes, and cleaned our house. I was still exhausted, but the house looked nice. And smelled nice. And that's always nice.

The one thing that surprised me about having a housekeeper is how it's kind of made me feel inadequate. I've always been proud of doing things myself. In the past, even though my house has never been 100% perfect, it's usually at about 75-80% good, and I knew its beauty and its faults, and they were mine to own. If the living room was a mess, maybe it was because I'd worked all day doing laundry. Therefore, still a positive thing. If the kitchen looked like a tornado had hit and somehow dirtied every single dish in the place, there was usually something delicious to make it worth the mess. And I was always proud that we never had more than a 15 minute mess. (This was before we had kids, btw.)

But now, 30 second after Ayi leaves, all the toys are strewn about the living room, there are dirty dishes in the sink again, and before I know it, the whole house is a wreck again. And it's not because I've been cleaning and baking or whatever. It's not only because of the little girls. It's mostly because I suck at keeping my house clean.

And that has kind of been getting me down lately.

I spent one entire day trying to keep up with the mess my kids made. It was the most depressing day ever! I was cleaning up after them non-stop, but by the time Kevin came home, it still looked like Hurricane Pennaomi had hit. And I spent all day doing something I hate! That was not the way to handle it.

The next day (and many days since then), I have done absolutely no cleaning up after the girls. Their toys, clothes, strollers, empty yoghurt cups, and other junk just gets strewn wherever they throw it. And then one time at the end of the day, I go through and clean up. It looked better than if I'd cleaned all day, and I liked myself better.
So, it turns out the awkward part wasn't so much having someone working in my home, but that I'm having to humble myself and realize that I'm just not that good at cleaning my house. I am very grateful for Ayi's help. And I don't live in Buckingham Palace. I have two little girls, and we all enjoy playing and living in our house. Next time the queen comes to visit, we may have to sweep some toys aside to make room for her red carpet. And I just have to keep reminding myself that it's okay that I can't do it all myself. 

This is our living room on an average afternoon. It's a 2-minute mess or so. :)